Friendship is one of the most important relationships we can experience in life. Good friends provide us joy, support, and encouragement, but not every friendship is positive. It’s essential to choose friends wisely because they have a profound influence on the path we take in life. The old saying, “Birds of a feather flock together,” reminds us that the people we surround ourselves with shape who we become. The Bible offers plenty of wisdom and examples of both good and bad friendships. This article will explore how to identify true friends, recognise harmful relationships, and nurture positive friendships to help us grow. To balance these lessons, we’ll look at two real-life stories—one ending in heartache and another showing true friendship’s power.
The Importance of Choosing Friends Wisely
The Bible offers many teachings about friendship. Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” This highlights how the people we surround ourselves with influence us—if we spend time with wise and kind people, we are likelier to become like them. On the other hand, spending time with people who make poor decisions or have ill intentions can lead us to harm.
One of the most beautiful examples of friendship in the Bible is the relationship between David and Jonathan. Their friendship was based on loyalty, trust, and love, even though Jonathan’s father, King Saul, sought to kill David. Despite the dangers, Jonathan stood by David. This selfless friendship shows the value of a true friend—one who remains by your side even in difficult times. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” True friends, like Jonathan, are rare but worth treasuring.
A Story of Betrayal: The Pain of a False Friend
I once knew a man who learned the hard way how painful it can be to trust the wrong friend. He had a trustworthy companion, and when that friend asked to borrow a small sum of money, he was happy to help. The friend returned the cash promptly, creating an impression of reliability. A short time later, the same friend asked for a much larger loan. Confident that this friend would repay him, the man lent him the money.
However, the larger loan was never repaid. The friend disappeared, leaving the man to shoulder the financial burden alone. Not only had he lost the money, but he realised that the so-called friend had only been using him for personal gain. This experience brought great emotional and financial pain, highlighting the truth of Proverbs 22:26-27: “Do not be one of those who shakes hands in a pledge, one of those who is surety for debts; if you have nothing with which to pay, why should he take away your bed from under you?” The Bible warns us about becoming financially entangled with unreliable people because it can lead to severe consequences.
This story reminds us that not everyone who seems like a friend has our best interests at heart. Some friendships are built on selfishness and deceit, and we must be discerning about whom we trust, especially when it involves something as serious as money.
A Story of Hope: True Friendship Found in the Darkest Times
On the other hand, I once knew a 17-year-old young man from Bamenda who experienced a heart-breaking event, only to find true friendship in the aftermath. Before he left for school one term, his grandmother gave him advice that would stay with him for the rest of his life: “Beware of your friends. Beware of the people you call friends.” He didn’t fully understand her words then, but what followed changed his life forever.
At school, this young man had a friend who was not. This friend didn’t have a place to stay, and out of kindness, the young man offered him his room for the night. Tragically, that night, the friend took his own life in the young man’s room. This event devastated him. He was left with immense grief and confusion, wondering why his friend had chosen his room for such an act. The weight of the situation overwhelmed him, and he felt lost.
However, in this dark time, something remarkable happened. Strangers—people he had never known before—came into his life. They saw his pain and offered him support without asking for anything. These people gave him a new place to stay, helped him through his grief, and provided the resources he needed to move forward. Their kindness was genuine, and they asked for nothing in return. Over time, they became some of his life’s most essential and positive influences.
These individuals had no hidden agendas—they wanted to help. They respected the young man, supported him in his lowest moments, and became true friends. This experience showed him that real friends step in when you need them the most without expecting anything in return. Proverbs 17:17 reminds us, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” These new friends embodied this truth, showing the power of selfless and supportive friendship.
Identifying True Friends
How do we know when someone is a true friend? As the stories above show, true friends often reveal themselves in hardship. Here are a few biblical qualities to look for in a good friend:
1.Selflessness – A true friend cares more about you than what they can get from you. Jesus said in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” While not all friendships demand such sacrifice, the principle of selflessness is critical. Look for friends who are willing to help without expecting something in return.
2.Honesty – Proverbs 27:6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” A real friend will be honest with you, even if it’s hard. They won’t tell you what you want to hear to make you feel good—they’ll let you know the truth because they care about your well-being.
3.Reliability – Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” A good friend stands by you in both good and bad times. They won’t abandon you when things get tough; instead, they’ll offer support and encouragement.
4.Respect – Mutual respect is the foundation of any good relationship. A true friend will respect your boundaries, values, and time. They won’t take advantage of you or make you feel uncomfortable.
Recognising Harmful Friendships
Just as it’s important to identify good friends, it’s equally important to recognise when a friendship might be harmful. The story of the borrowed loan is a reminder that not every friend has pure intentions. Some people may take advantage of your kindness for their gain. Here are a few signs that a friendship might be harmful:
1.Selfishness – If a friend constantly asks for favours but never gives anything in return, it could be a one-sided relationship. Such friends are more interested in what they can get from you than in being a true friend.
2.Manipulation – Some friends may try to manipulate you, using guilt or emotional pressure to get what they want. Proverbs 16:29 says, “A violent person entices their neighbour and leads them down a path that is not good.” Be careful of friends who lead you into negative situations or decisions.
3.Disrespect—A friend who doesn’t respect your boundaries or values isn’t a true friend. Respect is essential for a healthy relationship; friendship can become toxic without it.
Nurturing Good Friendships
Once you’ve identified the good friends in your life, nurturing those relationships is essential. Friendships, like any relationship, require care and attention to grow stronger. Here are some ways to nurture your friendships:
1.Communicate openly and honestly—Good friends should be able to talk about anything. Be open with your feelings and listen when your friends share theirs.
2.Be there in both good and bad – Friendship is about supporting each other through thick and thin. Be present in your friend’s life, especially when they need you most.
3.Respect each other’s boundaries—Even the closest friends need space sometimes. Respect your friends’ boundaries, and make sure they respect yours.
4.Encourage one another – 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” Be a source of encouragement and positivity in your friend’s life.
Conclusion
Friendship is a gift, but it requires wisdom and care to maintain. You can build strong, lasting bonds that will enrich your life by choosing your friends wisely, recognising harmful relationships, and nurturing positive friendships. As seen in the stories shared, not all friendships are equal—some can lead to pain, while others bring immense blessings. True friends will stand by you in your darkest times without expecting anything.
Remember Proverbs 13:20—“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Choose your friends wisely; they will bring lasting joy and growth to your life.
Rev. Dr. Tangye George aka Salt.
12th September 2024.
Tangyesalt@gmail.com
